Friday, 23 January 2015

When priceless artifacts are destroyed by clumsy people

One of my favourite perennial news stories - other than the annual revelation of a shit Christmassy theme park in a post-apocalyptic-esque wasteland* and the regular sightings of unclaimed dangerous beasts spotted in the suburbs** - is when a priceless historical artifact is inadvertently destroyed by a hapless individual.

Imagine my delight, then, when I learned that Tutankhamun's beard has been hastily superglued back on after being accidentally snapped off by an over-zealous museum cleaner.

That's Tutankhamun, Egyptian pharoah and ruler of the 18th dynasty, whose funeral mask had been so meticulously constructed that it was meant to see him through eternity in the afterlife. Until 4000 years later someone SNAPPED A BIT OFF.

Of course, after potentially irreversibly destroying one of the most iconic items in actual history, like anyone, the perpetrator stealthily pritt-sticked the broken bit back on. I love to imagine the gasp of the poor person who elbowed that chunk off, before frantically trying to force it back on to King Tut's chin like a stubborn bit of jigsaw and eventually confiding to a mate that you need their help and they have to PROMISE not to say anything but can they bring some UHU.

I mean, you can hardly see the seam:

Brilliantly, there's even a photo of two blokes shamelessly trying to stick it back on.

Here they are attempting the repair of another priceless relic. To me, to you!

This is becoming a regular thing. Human beings are getting clumsier. These dudes managed to accidentally bulldoze a Mayan pyramid. Imagine the decision-making process on that one. Yeah, let's just plough on through this ANCIENT TRIANGULAR STRUCTURE which surely can't be anything important. Mind those concerned archaeologists!

Lest we forget poor Mrs Gimenez who thought she'd have a go at tidying up a fresco of Jesus but ended up creating a smudgy portrait of that Ikea monkey. At least her unfortunate work inspired this brilliant costume.

The fresco fiasco was a good deed that got out of control, unlike the Chinese equivalent of TfL who decided to tunnel through at least five historically valuable ancient tombs a couple of years back. Woops! And I remember being round the corner from Cambridge's Fitzwilliam Museum when it emerged that a bloke fell over and smashed not one but two Qing Dynasty vases worth about half a million quid. Turned out there may have been more to the story when he was later arrested for criminal damage.

For god's sake, be a bit more careful! Also, that mask is supposed to cursed, so good luck with that.

*UK entrepreneurs - stop trying to create Magical Christmas Winter Wonderlands. They are - without fail - always shit, and end up featuring only an emaciated reindeer tethered to a barbed-wire fence and a pissed off-looking elf having a fag in a car park.

**Always just an obese cat by a distant hedge:

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