Thursday, 28 May 2015

The Curse of Lebara and Lycamobile

I get irrationally enraged about stupid things. Today's target: LEBARA MOBILE. And its evil, grinning brother, LYCAMOBILE.

These two pale blue plasticky upstarts seemingly arrived on our shores at some point over the last few years and - like those swarms of insects that destroy entire valleys of crops in a fatal, single sweep - have decided to take over our great nation via an unusual route: SHOP SIGNS.

Generic Lebara shop

I don't own a corner shop, but if I did I'd assume I would have been approached by one of the above with an suitcase full o'cash to completely PLASTER the front of it with SWATHES of blue plastic mobile phone signs. My local purveyor of Pringles and Diet Coke, the illustrious DJ'z on Queen's Road, has fallen foul of a particularly unattractive festoon of the evil blue signs and the nice chap who runs it even sellotapes rogue Lycamobile posters all along the walls AROUND the shop, too. Does he get cash for every SIM card he shifts? As for the ever-glam Old Kent Road, it's now basically a mile long Lebara/Lycamobile billboard.

Generic LycaShop

How does this even happen? Do competing reps from each company sniff out likely targets before surreptitiously replacing all the signage overnight? Do they target shops with particularly shit signs who can't fail to be impressed by those provided by their new shiny blue overlords?

I mean! Look at the official Lycamobile mascot:

Arghh!


ABSOLUTELY HORRIFYING! HORRENDOUS! It's a man with a GLOBE for a HEAD. This earth-headed phone-beast is coming in the night to replace your beautiful Victorian shopfront with eye-bleeding turquoise fascias.

GlobeFace maps out his world domination route on his own face

He sees you when you're sleeping! He knows when you're awake!

The Phone Demon even exists in REAL LIFE! Here he is attending some kind of event alongside three terrified human beings - they're afraid to say anything in case their homes are mysteriously papered with mobile network adverts in the night. He actually has a gun pressed into that lady's back:

Please don't kill me.

And here's a rare shot of Dark Lord GlobeHead trying to STEAL and possibly CONSUME A CHILD:


Bloody awful.


2 comments:

  1. Just sitting at a bus stop in east london looking at four shops next to each other all sporting a lycamobile shop sign...one of these is a dry cleaners.....not only is it all ugly but its inafective advertising. surely one would have done.

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  2. You can call Lycamobile Customer Service Number to ask any question about phone

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